umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
