it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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