I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
