apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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