is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
