Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
