my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
