Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
