life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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