just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
