I'm really into asian looking animals
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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