My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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