Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize