We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
