I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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