I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
