I got chris browned last night
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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