She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
