My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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