Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
