bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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