The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
