also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
