dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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