your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
