I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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