Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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