I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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