Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize