Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
