I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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