Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
