It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
