He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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