so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im six kinds of drunk right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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