A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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