it wasn't lemon gatorade
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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