So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize