I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
