Sry I called you an 8
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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