hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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