We're facebook friends in real life
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
