Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
