I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
