it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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