Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
