She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
