So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
