So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
