Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
