he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
