So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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