Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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