I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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