Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
