She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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