Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I want is dick and wine.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
