So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
