I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As shirtless as possible
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
