I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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