I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
