I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
