Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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