She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize