I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize