I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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