never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
