Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
