shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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