hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm having to shit out rocks
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