Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
