She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
