Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
