if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
