if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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