I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
