Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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