So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
