I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
