took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
