I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is it penis luge time yet?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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