I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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