I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
