I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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