what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
