I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
