My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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