I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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