I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
