This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
