never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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