i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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