i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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