ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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