she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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