my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
