drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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