You can't special order awesome
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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