I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
