someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
