her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
