If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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