we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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