I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize