I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
