I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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