I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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