i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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